I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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