i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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