She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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