vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
