Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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