bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
