I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
