She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
