Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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