I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
