if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
