I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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