i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
