i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
