I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Pants are for mortals
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