I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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