his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I wear drunk well.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
