So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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