Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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