Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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