there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Life without a bra equals bliss.
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