I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
