That's intense
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
