He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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