Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
