So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
