She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
