I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
