The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
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