DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
