6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
