My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
