he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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