Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
