I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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