Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
