I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
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