so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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