Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
