Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
