it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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