I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
We need to get me chipped asap
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
