when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
two words: eviction party
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
