i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
