I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
you never un-have a 4some
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
