The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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