I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
