i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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