He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
