i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
