great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
