Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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