it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
