the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
